My Hands: [Documentary By Oinam Doren]


… With due apologies to the Parents of Indian women!

SO, you have married an Indian woman!

Beautiful, brown, long hairs, charming smile, wears jeans (though sometimes still puts national costume), drives a bike or car, aware of everything that is happening in the world, using all sorts of gadgets … the ever-improving, all-accomplishing, all-caring ‘Bhartiya Nari’ (Indian Woman) of the 21 st century.

Having purchased this product myself, I must warn you that the  exterior, interior (and sometimes both) can be misleading … alas! …. yeh India hai meri jaan (this is India, my dear)! Be prepared for the fact that the Indian females are available for sale only in complete package with family, culture, customs and habits – good as well as bad! The problem may not, in most of the instances, start with the actual product but, with the free kit attached – that prefer to deliver not only inconvenience, but also bring difficulties in the relationship, cause them to break or even lead to a deadlock. Yes, parents of an Indian girl are still lurking on the verge of being stupid!

So even if you think you bought the model that meets the latest requirements of the market, despite the fact that the codes have been professionally registered – in most cases, there is always a bug in the code that will not allow the program to function as you expect! The parents now-a-days are the most loathsome to the idea that their daughter should enter kitchen – though shamelessly they’ll not  bother a fly if she doesn’t say a ‘thank you’ after having eaten the dinner prepared by her husband. This is not the single problem that you wish to tell but why to waste your time and this space!

You’re lucky if you could get a model without this ‘Free kit’. Although this is rare. It’s like a Christmas sale, if you do not have time or do not know where it was – would have to wait for the next. But are there any ways out?

Yes, there are several ways to solve this problem:

  • Wait for the next sale (though not the fact that you can grab a tasty morsel)
  • To make a compromise, carefully examine the “instruction manual” for how to cope with this most free application in the form of the family (although in the most difficult cases and it does not help)
  • Or to look at other brands, from other countries and nationalities.

But, is it worth all the speculations and efforts?

I don’t know and … even if I had known, why on earth I should tell you? It’s your life and your choice! You can try yourself, … or try other brands first, … or be patient and wait till the upgraded version of model (without these free kits, of course) is available that will meet your expectations!

Good luck to you in your purchase!

[PS: Images are for graphic display purpose only. Feminists and Flea-Brains may kindly skip the whole article – it is not for you!]

… In The Financial Mess ?


I know of a person who this past year has been in serious financial trouble. Though he is one of the most ambitious and intelligent people I know and he should have been the last one in this world to get into this kind of trouble, I think it was his ambition that might have become the reason for his down fall. He was busy shooting for the stars and has fallen short on some of his business ideas but how he forgot to realise that ambitions were turning into over-ambitions and how he could not realise that the ground beneath was slipping away – is more surprising to me. This whole time he was so preoccupied with his dreams that he could not figure out when the economy turned southwards!FinMess001

He is now living in debt and struggling to put two square meals on the table for his wife and two young boys. He, initially tried to live on credit card for some months, but lost his credit ratings with the job, depleted all the savings also – just how long do you think one can attempt to live on credit and avoid payments on everything! The family had a flat at an apartment taken on loan, could not repay it and lost the flat also on fore-closure – the interest on which drained the remaining savings also. foreclosureJust when the woes could not have gotten any worse, wife was diagnosed pregnant – went for abortion and further medical bills! I have never seen someone in such a terrible financial mess and that too affecting someone so close.

We tried to form a group and help him out but he would not take it for it affects his pride adversely! What according to you should be the options for this guy to get out of this mess? Can you please suggest some way out for him?

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… Oh, She has changed so much!


“… Oh, she has changed so much!”

“… It is beyond recognition now!”

“… He doesn’t look like his old self!”

“… The city is not what it used to be!”

… Why is it, that we don’t like the change to be there – to the person, place or thing that we once knew, once we associated with? Why don’t we appreciate the change – knowing fully well that change is inevitable?


Just a few weeks back one of my friends returned after a tour to home town. As happens in all such cases, she complained about the home town, “… Patna is in ruins! It is hard to connect to it any more!” Since yours truly also comes from that same town, the comment was not taken well.

“Patna is in ruins?”

“…Ruins? Ruins of what kind? … Nalanda, Harappa or Babylonian kind of ruins?”

So, I shot back, “I disagree with you; the chaos that is apparent there to any superficial onlooker is part of rebuilding process only!”

Well, it may be part of the process of rebuilding or not – leave this matter to people who are aware of the geopolitical background and the history of the place, but what struck me through this dialogue was the rigidity to accept the inevitability of change.


Change is defined as the process of becoming different in respect of time, person, place or thing. It also includes the social change as well as biological metamorphosis. Change is universal. Change is dynamic. Change is motion. Identity is static. Motion or Change and Identity or Rest is the basic secrets of the laws of nature – a kind of “mother of all the laws” of nature. Nothing endures but change.

There are many TYPES of change, like consistent or inconsistent, based on duration – short lived, long standing, permanent, related to the cause – Automatic or induced, related with object that is changing – change of Identity, change of personality etc. There can be definite change – like a baby growing to become adult, a seed growing to become a tree or it can be indefinite – like those of radioactive elements.

“… Man’s yesterday may ne’er be like his morrow;
Naught may endure but Mutability.”


The problem with us human beings is that we have very high mental inertia and we start associating with the things as they are, at that particular time of observation, forgetting it wasn’t the same earlier than that. We make a picture of the person, place, thing or traits in respect to the time at that moment and keep this in our mind thinking that it will remain frozen in exact state for ever. But everything is in perpetual state of motion, it is always changing – It doesn’t remain the same any two given moments. It is our paranoid state of mourning – when we come across the same person, place, thing or trait a different time and don’t find it exactly the same, bound by the same descriptions – that produce this sense of loss or detachment or bereavement form previous picture – cause us to yearn for the old one and also causes the non acceptance of the new. May be it is because of our subconscious belief in the controversial theory of persistence of substance as put forth by Aristotle and others. Aristotle argued that change is distinct from time because change occurs at different rates, whereas time does not! We know this is simply not true and these are basically independent of each other also. By “Change” we don’t just mean “Temporal Change”!


The phrase “Cambridge change” seems to be due to Geach (1969), who so named it to mark its employment by great Cambridge philosophers such as Russell and McTaggart. According to this theory, a Cambridge change in a thing is a change in the descriptions truly borne by the thing. Now this can be explained by following the analytical technique of re-casting philosophically important discussions and concepts in the meta-language. It is apparent that Cambridge change includes all cases ordinarily thought of as change, such as change of color, from “red” to “non-red.” But it also includes changes in the relational predicates of a thing, such as when you change from being “non-brother” type to being “brother” type, just when your mother gives birth to a second offspring. It might seem faintly paradoxical that there need be no other change in you (like – height, weight, color, memories, character, thoughts) in this circumstance, but it is simply a consequence of the above piece of meta-linguistic ascent – there was change in your mother and you are related to her so the change in her changed you too. It does point up, though, that in attempting to capture the object-language concept, one should take note of the distinction between the Monadic or Internal or Intrinsic properties of a thing, and its relations or External or Extrinsic features. Thus the natural view of change is that real, metaphysical change in a thing would be change in the monadic or internal or intrinsic properties of the thing only, where as in reality, it affects the external links also.


The “problem of change and identity” is generally explained with the story of the Ship of Theseus:-

In ancient times, there was a ship, called the “Theseus” after its famous former owner. As the years wore on, the Theseus started getting weak and creaky. The old boards were removed, put into a warehouse, and replaced with new ones. Then, the masts started tottering, and soon they, too, were replaced. And in this way, after fifty years, this ship now has all new boards, masts, and everything. The question now arises Is, whether the ship in the harbor – now called SHIP-02, the same ship as the ship that was in the harbor, fifty years ago – called SHIP-01, for convenience? In other words, is SHIP-02 really the “Theseus”? … Just think about it!



Any society, which has got a large superfluous population, has its own dynamics. The city has to adapt itself continuously to the demands of its population. The architecture may also change according to that requirement. We may cherish the memories of our friendly neighbourhood convenient store for long but if that is replaced by a mall, we should not complain about it. It is serving the requirements of the present generation. Just try to remember the skylines of Manhattan two centuries ago and compare that with today’s. It did not change without reason, did it? The cities were not static even then, when we used to dwell in, there. Just because then changes took place in front of our eyes, we adapted well to them – and now we cannot even relate! Community organizations and other service providers do change with time. Smart people generally stand free and unconstrained in nature; they change gracefully with the every change in the old picture. The old order gives way to the new order in every society. It is the mode of transition that affects our sentiments however. If the transition was smooth, we hardly notice it. If the transition was turbulent or abrupt, we do not forget it – because then, it does not conform to the old perceptions. The question also arises as to what sort of change take place after something looses existence or when all connections have been accepted as LOST. We never say, after the death of a person, “He just isn’t the same sort of guy since his death.”  Because we have accepted the loss of all the relations with the person after his death. Similarly, till the time a city ceases to exist or we have lost all connections with it, we can say, “… Oh, I do not relate with it any more!”


“The key to change is … to let go of fear!”

The major cause for non acceptance of change is our fear for the unknown. We generally don’t want to be associated with something that is uncertain or something that can have unpleasant outcome.  But the city may change for good, or for bad – the change has to be accepted. He, who rejects the change, is the architect of decay and he, who accepts, understands and welcomes it is the messiah of progress. There are well known stages of acceptance of change and these are – Pre-Contemplation, Contemplation, Preparation, Action and Maintenance in this sequence. The denial of the change is in fact the denial of the very existence. It can also be said as a corollary to the preceding line here that the only place where change does not occur is in grave. Or is it so? We know now, even in graves, change takes place.

Even though we all have changed and we are all finding our places in the world, we all resent the perceived changes in others, though we know also that when the tears fall or the smiles spread across our face, we’ll come to each other only – because no matter where this crazy world takes us, nothing will ever change so much to the point where we are not all still friends.

… Are you listening, My dear friend? Continue reading “… Oh, She has changed so much!”